52 Weeks Pregnant

Last night at a wedding, another guest overheard a friend of mine congratulating me on my pregnancy. Afterward, the guest commented surprised,

"I just thought you were  chubby. I didn't realize you were pregnant."

It can be hard to know what to say to a pregnant woman. Questions about due dates and gender can seem like tired cliches. So, it's natural to want to be clever. However, it's usually best to keep your thoughts to yourself and stick with a simple "congratulations."

On the other hand, the 9 sometimes grueling months of pregnancy can be ripe with opportunities for the expectant mom to get slighted by careless, well meant words. I know. I've been there, and as I was reminded last night, I am there again. The truth is, you can't  stop people from being awkward. You can't prevent lapses of propriety in others, but you CAN make the best  of it. 

I was carrying around my 8 week old once in town. A stranger asked how far along I was. I could have been miffed by the obvious-to-me mistake, but why bother?

"52 weeks." I said, "If I go another week, the Dr. says I'll need a tummy tuck and some lypo-suction."

My husband is a minister. At church, many an old gentlemen has  jokingly asked, indicating my enlarged belly,

"How'd that happen?!"

My customary response varies from "I swallowed a watermelon seed" to "Didn't you hear? I had an affair with the preacher."

Their customary reaction is quite fun to see. 

Uninvited belly touches, as far as I'm concerned,  will never be rudely objected to. However, I can not promise such touches will not be occasionally accompanied by some awkwardness. 

"WATCH OUT! Excess pressure may cause the dam to burst!" 

Pregnancy is pretty much the only time in a woman's life when complete strangers find it acceptable to rub her belly or comment on anything from her eating habits to her sex life. It can be annoying, but why not lower your blood pressure (and your risk of eclampsia) and laugh a little. 9 months could be a long time to be miserable or a perfect opportunity to be awesome.

Breathe. Laugh, and try not to pee yourself.