Gimme The Juice!

So, I had a plan. A birth plan that is.

 I said, "No thanks," when the nurses asked me if I wanted an epidural.  Why? I wanted to go all natural. Why? that's simple. I was curious. It was my chance to have a baby and finally have a birth story to share in those mom circles, and I was hoping mine would be one of those that didn't include pain-numbing medicines.

 So many women I know are all about having their babies with little to no medications. My own mom had all six of us kids without an epidural or other pain medications. My sister in law did it. I have friends that did it. Ladies at church have done it. People have written books about it, and they all say it's wonderful. Of the pain, they say it doesn't last. Of the reward, they say it's worth the struggle. Contractions, they say, are comparable to menstrual cramps from somewhere other than Heaven, but they pass. You just hold on. Just breathe. "He! HE! WHOO!" "He HE WHOO!" Just breathe through it.

Ok. Deal. Breathe through it. That's what I'd decided to do.  Pain don't scare me none! I was pumped. I was ready. Contractions? bring it on! Women have been giving birth for centuries in barns and bedrooms around the world right? If they can do it so can I! That was the mindset that I entered labor and delivery with, and it's the mindset I kept as long as I could.

I "He HE WHOO'd" through 6 centimeters of labor with no interventions from the doctors except him breaking my water.  Uncomfortable though I was, the pain was no more than I expected. A contraction came and I cried a little, but then it went away and my resolve returned.

Then with centimeter #6, a contraction came so strong my brain went fuzzy and I thought that I'd pass out!

"It's just a fluke" I thought, "They won't all be that bad right?"  Mhmmmm....listen to me. I'm such a rookie! Then came another, and another all  stronger than the last. My brain by then, no longer existed and my mouth started talking goofy.

I asked the my husband if this pain would last forever. When he laughed, I looked at the nurse with crazy eyes and told her..."I think I changed my mind about the epidural!!!!!" I told the anesthesiologist  I loved him, and my husband that I couldn't stand him. I told the nurse in dramatic sign language, facial expressions, and guttural noises that I needed a doggy bag to catch my lunch.  In between thinking my abdomen was crushed and my lunch was coming up, I groaned to anybody that would hear. "There's no easy way to get these kids born is there?!"

Then the anesthesiologist finished the task I set him to, (a task I must admit feels much better than it looks) and all my crazy went away. In that moment, I didn't care one iota what barn or bedroom anybody else had babies in without any help from doctors. I was just glad I was in a hospital where doctors could help me! Forget the barn! Forget Lamaze! GIMMEE THE JUICE!

I don't regret that epidural, and I'm sure I wouldn't have regretted it if I hadn't gotten it. Maybe next time, if there is a next time, I won't be so surprised by the pain and I'll make it past centimeter #6. Maybe next time, I'll make the time to go to childbirth class. But now that it's all said and done, I don't think it matters much. Epidural or none, I have a healthy happy little boy, and I learned a valuable lesson: no matter what you think you know, you can't really know what to expect when you're expecting.