Compulsive Creativity

 I've been thinking about budgets, but not the money kind. I’ve been thinking about another thing that needs a bit of management…

…Energy. 

Budgeting energy may well be an obvious life skill to some, but it's an entirely new concept to me. You see, I tend to get carried away. I always have. As a teen, I would stay up all night painting or drawing or doing any number of creative things. Sometimes, after working on a construction site all day and/or completing several hours of schoolwork, I would spend an entire afternoon obsessively cleaning my bedroom until it was immaculate or I’d immerse myself in some kind of elaborate art project. Managing my energy was unnecessary as I had it in an abundant supply. So, it just never even occurred to me to try.

Then I kind of grew up. I got married. I got my own house with bills, and chores, and responsibilities. Best of all, I had a baby. Before long, that energy I had always taken for granted was a precious commodity in short supply.  

I still get so engrossed in projects that I will often forgo basic bodily functions like sleeping, eating, and going to the bathroom. But now that I have other responsibilities, I find this unrelenting "project mode" increasingly more difficult to support. Awesome things like a spotless house or a marvelous scrapbook come out of project mode, but after it's over, I don't have the energy left for much else.

Creativity paired with determination is powerful. However, that raw energy and compulsion when it isn't controlled, has the potential to be destructive to my sanity. 

 So, this week, I’ve been trying to teach myself a little self-control. I’ve been pretty surprised by what I have been able to accomplish. My kitchen got cleaned, the floor got mopped, and the baby actually got a bath today! I have started writing again, and I've even been able to read a few pages of a book! 

 First, I have been trying to force myself to focus 100% of my energy on one thing at a time, and practicing the self-control to not allow myself to get distracted from it until the task is complete. I'm also trying to recognize that point where I become obsessed with my project so that I can make myself walk away. The last part of my energy budget is allowing myself some downtime, but also setting limits to it lest I get carried away and make a day of it.

It's really tough to make myself focus. I tend to be ruled by my impulses. A lot of times, I have to consciously tell myself what to do, to pay attention, finish, and focus. It’s tough, but I believe I'll benefit from this effort. 

My mind is a my workshop. Creativity is my tool, but I am the Craftsman.