Hipster; so NOT Hippie

I was clothes shopping with my teenage sister the other day, and I asked her what her clothing style was. I will never be a fashionista, and apparently, I will never be on the up and up when it comes to what's popular these days.

My sister says she's a  "Hipster."  whatever that means......

"What?" I asked, totally confused, "you mean like Hippie right?"

She told me it wasn't anything like the hippies. "It's just weird" she tells me. "you just don't get it."

So, I came home and Googled it...Cause you know that's what you do these days. You don't read a book you Google....and turn nouns into verbs....and take z's out of crazy. It's cray cray now you know.
I Googled "Hipster" and I still don't get it, maybe I should go old school nineties and read a book.

Well here's what I learned: Hipster is NOT hippie.

1. Apparently since I googled "how to be a hipster" I am automatically not a hipster, and never can be. Thanks Tumblr. being Hipster is too mainstream anyway.

2. Wear skinny jeans, because apparently these skin tight blast-from-the-past pants are the staple of the hipster wardrobe. Well, since I'm not a hipster (see above), I don't have to feel bad that my not so tiny pear shaped body looks like a pear on a stick when I wear them.

3.In general, wear weird and offbeat things. 
Plaid blue jeans, tacky 90's t shirts, mismatched patterns and weirdly colored shutter shades are a good pick. And be sure that your clothes don't match and your hair is a mess. Cause, that's so not hippie.

4. Be a nerd philosopher and use big words.
Read obscure books by little known authors and bring attention to the complexity of life and your own mind. Point out often how misunderstood you are. Then use big words like loquacious and trickeration and tubular. The hippies did not use weird words.

5. Never grow up. The politically correct term is "extended adolescence," but it's all about nonconformity, being sarcastic, indirect and non committal. They eat weird food. Talk about weird things. Listen to weird music, and think that it's the rest of the world that's being weird..not them. yep that's not hippie either.

6. Last but not least, never admit that you're a hipster. Since the hipster culture is not a culture, but a counterculture, it doesn't actually exist. So, in the true spirit of non-conformity, you can never admit to your own nonconformity, because that would be recognizing that you are, in fact, exactly what you are rebelling against......That is so not hippie.

It's radical, dude!