April Doesn't Fool Me.

"Whoever digs a pit will fall into it. 

and he who rolls a stone, it will come back on him."

Proverbs 26:27

As long as I can remember, I've been a terrible prankster, and I don't mean "terrible" in any kind of impressive way. I mean "terrible" in the most literal and disastrous way. As long as I can remember being goofy, which is a pretty long time, I have never pulled off a successful prank.

Tootsie Roll on the toilet, that's the first time I tried a little trickery. I was nine or so, and my brother and I thought it'd be great fun to get a rise out of our mom. Our uncle had told us a story about how he once made our grandma scream bloody murder by squishing a tootsie roll and leaving it on the toilet seat. So we tried it. What we failed to realize was that kids are gross anyway and our mom had 4 of them under the age of ten. Random tirds were just part of the deal. So, the trick went down the drain, literally. She made no fuss or muss. It was just a plop and flush affair. We never pranked our mom again.

The next time I attempted to pull a leg, I nearly got creamed. I was 12 or so, and I forgot the most important rule of life: pick on someone your own size. We had a pool set up in our backyard that summer. A few of our cousins were over. One of my older cousins had left his shoes near the pool. His little sister and I decided it would be hilarious to hide his shoes, and then gawk and laugh while he frantically searched for them. What we failed to take into account was his superior lack of humor, and the fact that he was much bigger and much older. The short and the long of it is, my prank failed and we all ended up grounded.

Last and most brainless, is the stupidest prank I ever did. I meant to make Josh think I wasn't home, then jump out of my hiding place and startle him. Problem was, I was 8 months pregnant and it was 11 o’clock at night! Looking back, I don’t know what I was thinking! I succeeded in scaring him, but not the way I intended.  Before I could move my fat self out of the closet to say “boo!” he was already in the car on his way to the hospital to look for me! The rest of the night was spent making apologies……

Me + pranks = epic fail. Maybe it's because I'm a terrible liar or because I can't handle seeing people upset. Maybe it's because I think too hard or because I forget to think at all. Whatever the reason, me and pranks are pretty much poison to each other. So I’ve decided not to fool with April fools, cause April doesn’t fool me.