Christian Extrovert to Christian Introvert

I recently read a blog post by a pastor named J.S. Parks. It was titled "14 Ways to Handle a Christian Introvert"  In his post, he gave his advice to all those extroverts out there on how to make the introverts in church more comfortable. I think his article was great, and it really helped me see things from the introvert's perspective. But here's the deal, we all got to work together here. Introverts can help too.

1) If no one is talking, an Extrovert will
In Bible class, we figure that we're supposed to be having a conversation. A conversation means people sharing their thoughts and listening to other peoples thoughts. If no one is sharing any thoughts, an extrovert is scrambling up some kind of thought to put on the table fast. We're just trying to keep the crickets out of the room. Sometimes, introverts get put on the spot, but it needn't be awkward. Just saying something to the affect of "I'm not sure what I think about it yet" or "come back to me," would deflect the pressure from you an spurn another extrovert to speak.

2) If no one is singing, an Extrovert will
In worship, some people sing loud. Others don't. That's fine so long as their hearts are truly worshiping. An extrovert may sing loud, may lead, may raise their hands, or shed some tears. We might even sing with a little extra passion and flare. But, if we are truly worshiping, we're not doing it for show. We aren't trying to intimidate. Our hearts are in the same place yours are...in worship to the Lord. Asking us to "tone it down" would be just as unfair as asking you to "pick it up."

3) Introverts: In conversation, please participate.....at least just a little.
We would like to talk with you, even if it is just a little bit about the weather. We thrive on connections with others. So we'll ask questions and try to find common ground. It's not to learn everything about you or get you to open up about your deepest darkest secrets. It'd be easier for both of us if you'd say a teeny, tiny, little more than "yes," "no," and "maybe." It won't kill you, and we'll let you rest soon enough.

4) We have the same faults that introverts do, we just cover them differently.
We admire the fact that you can stop talking, because we put our feet in our mouths so much. Where you cover your faults by quietly stepping back, we run into them quite often and struggle to step away. You don't know what to say, so you keep quiet, and speak when the words arrive. We don't know what to say, and we keep talking hoping when the words do arrive, it will all make sense. So, try to muddle through our words and help us find our point. You can often save us from ourselves that way.

5) Don't ignore us, and forgive us when we point the spotlight.
You may think that extroverts want to be the center of attention, but that's not necessarily the case.   People with their heads screwed on straight, know that the world doesn't revolve around them, but an extrovert will shrivel up and cry if they are left to their lonesomeness. Just a compliment on an outfit or an accomplishment makes a difference. A little line in the bulletin, website, or whatever about our birthdays or that neat thing we worked on being awesome, makes us feel like we are part of this thing we call a family. It's not supposed to be about spotlight. It's about letting us be a part of the family. So, forgive us when we bring you too much attention, but talk to us. Simply let us know. Just remember: our intentions were to show you the same love and acceptance we are looking for ourselves.

6) Sometimes we're just wordy. It's not counseling or an in depth analysis of your spiritual condition.
We have a plethora of words, and they run from our brains to our mouths like a well-oiled machine. You have a thoughts made up of meaningful words that flow from brain to mouth like sap from a maple tree in January. So, when you talk to us, sometimes we have to add more words to make your meaning clearer to ourselves. We can exasperate you with our questions, and to you, our concerns seem like they are coming from left field, but please try to understand that all this talking is us just thinking out loud. If you wait it out and say what your saying a few more times with a different set of words, we'll get it, and end up on the same page.

7) When life gets hard. Just listen and be there...but listen actively.
We need you when life gets hard because you are the best listeners in the world, but please don't sit there like a statue while we tell you about the troubles. Hold our hands. Use a few of those stored up thoughts to prop our sagging hearts back up. You don't have to sob buckets with us, but if a tear wells up, you can let it run down your face. You don't have to know what to say, but you can say enough to let us know you're there.

8) Sometimes we say too much, but we still care about you.
When life gets hard, and you need us to be there, we can often say more than we should. We cover you up with our words when all you need is a friend to share your quiet with, but we don't always know how to be quiet with you. That's where you come in. If you let us in a little with your words enough to show us what's going on, we can prop your sagging hearts back up too.


9) Friendship is a two way street.....but we need to see some road signs.
It's hard enough to get to know a person. It's harder still when that someone answers every question with as few nonspecific words as possible. Introverts, help us out! You don't have to do much more than return a few questions with a smile, a simple answer and a few questions of your own. Within a minute or two, it will be obvious whether or not we connect at all. Then, we'll have either found a new friend or we'll end the meeting. Either way, by your simple show of openness, the painful drudgery of interaction will be over more quickly and you can again relax.

9) We keep you on your toes, but you keep our feet on the ground. 
If all the world were extroverts, it would be a zany, busy place, with everyone doing everything boisterously. But if all the world were introverts, life would run at a thoughtful humdrum pace. Everyone would move along in their own time, in their own way, quietly and unobtrusively. But the world is made of both of us, and it's right lovely when we learn to work together. We extroverts flit about, but you introverts pound the steady beat that keeps us sane.


Extrovert, introvert, whatever "vert" you are, ultimately, it doesn't matter. What really matters is that we are looking out for one another. What really matters most is that we love one another as Christ loved us. What really matters more than anything is that we follow Christ and love his people.