I am no exception. These are my top 10
At #10 is an experience that pretty much every woman has at some point in her life...her first, bonified, honest to goodness physical....need I say more than these three words: FLIMSY PAPER GOWN?
#9 Reading those last two sentences and realizing I'm writing this ridiculous piece.
#8 was a nightmare when it happened, but it was a lesson in paying attention to detail. I should have looked before I reached for my boyfriend's hand. My husband was just my boyfriend then, and looking from the corner of my eye, apparently he was identical to his brother. Luckily they are both good sports and made the best of it. I sure wished I had a paper bag, or better yet the ability to go back in time....just a few seconds!
#7 reminds me how thankful I am to no longer have to deal with dating. When you're trying to put your most ladylike foot forward, being polite is pretty important. So, you sorta have to postpone certain bodily functions....like passing gas, till your date is over. Well, sometimes it just doesn't work. I'll never forget his face as he rolled the window down, and my weak response "um........cafeteria food?"
#6 when I was 15, a cousin convinced me that I should try on her bikini. When I put it on, she also convinced me that I was pretty enough to wear it to the lake instead of my usual, unflattering, one-piece competition suit. Feeling like I was wearing less than a bra and panties was bad enough, but coming out of the water to hear a group of boys hollering at me sealed the deal. Boys have nasty brains and girls are stupid for wearing underwear in public. I got my tshirt back and cowered home.
#5 Always close your blinds. I forgot once. No further explanation necessary
You may relate to #4 if you've ever been preoccupied. Once, at a lunch with friends, I was preoccupied, in a major hurry to get to the restroom. I found the facilities quickly enough, but I didn't find the ones I was looking for. I froze in place at the sight of the urinals. In desperation, unwilling to admit I'd walked into a crowed men's room, thought to myself, "Well, those are odd looking sinks." A gray-haired man began walking towards me, and I realized where I was. head down and face red, I walked back out into the restaurant to a chorus of laughter.
#3 My hesitance with public restrooms goes back to my childhood. I was 9. the rest stop offered paper seat covers, and it seemed like a good idea, but before I could sit down, mine mysteriously disappeared. I told my mom about it in the parking lot on my way out. I heard her gasp and tug at my back suddenly. My seat cover had been attached to my pants all along!
#2 Wrong number. I sent a very clear text to my husband once. I nearly fainted when my mother-in-law replied. The moral in a hashtag: #checkbeforeyoutext.
AND THE WINNER IS.....
#1 My mother always told me to cross my legs while wearing a skirt. My mother didn't train me, however, on what to do when you stand up to find the person next to you had been sitting on the edge of your skirt without your knowledge. I just did the best I could. I apologized to the men in the room, gathered my skirts and my wits, and just mustered as much laughter as I could.
By now, you probably think I'm crazy, and frankly I probably am. But, I've never been adept at keeping track of marbles, and I believe life is considerably more fun with a little goofy in it. So, if you wonder why on earth I would share my most embarrassing moments with the world, don't. If you haven't noticed I don't take myself entirely serious, and I don't think anyone should. The most dull people in life are the ones who cannot laugh at themselves. If you can't laugh at yourself, what fun is there in life? In the middle of an embarrassing moment, it just isn't cool, but later, when you put your hindsights on, it's not so bad. Sometimes, it might even make you giggle.
"Why is it that married folks always become so serious"
Mary Todd Lincoln
#4 would have been the winner to me!
ReplyDeleteI love reading your posts, but this one is by far my favorite! I think it's great that you don't take yourself too seriously. I sometimes forget that it's okay for an older married mom to be fun too. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Jen. Laughter is the only way to survive sometimes..esp us "old married moms!" A guy can put a ring on your finger, but he can't take the goofy out of a goofball. Good job on your first blog post the other day as well. I appreciated that you shared your opinion knowing that it might not be well received. That took some guts. Keep writing.
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